Monday, August 16, 2010
2day was just damn stupid and saddening... after sch went to dactyl std 1s comp train at about 4+ caz got tt thing b4 that. then went there and that when i stoned throughout... i had a very easy task to do, yet i failed miserably.... that was like srsly damn despressing for me lar, i feel that i have let down people that was counting on me, felt that i should not even go or just not even have the courage to stay there. that was when i realised that i have no rights to stay there and while i was thinking about the depressing things that went through my mind, people started to say how stone i was and that made me a bit more depressed lar, caz i knew i could have done better for you to make the training more effective or them. yet i have let you down by stoning just becuase a damn stupid i did. i should not have went, this is making myself depressed ttm, yet when i dont go i feel weird...what to do what to do? maybe only you can make the right decision for me... after how i felt my life was super screwed to the max, the most comforting part was it was jsut to see you smile and the end of everything... it just warms my heart. im not going to say i saw u -.- tt is too clique, but clique is clique... so maybe it was just that few seconds that made me want to continue on and not be depressed anymore... maybe its just like that... this is just saddening... T.T drop dead and cry would be the best way to face my fears, but how can i just do that in front of you? maybe one day i would... one day.... i cant control anymore... every single day is constantly reminding me of the cruel fate of life and how f-ing screwing it is so i just have to face it and try not to die... tts wad im going to do...
Day 7 - Ex-boyfriend or ex-crush
Ok, i nvr had a ex so i cant write anything here.... its the truth, unless you are talking about unanimate objects, then i had an ex-crush -.-. but its an inanimate object, who cannot listen to my feelings, cannot do much, so why should i continue liking you? it have been a waste of my life... at least i know to stop now. i think you know which object i am talking about... so i shall not elaborate -.-
this is just making me depressing and depressing each day. even when i want to continue to live my screwed life as normally as possible, the dream comes back haunting me, thinking of every possible way to do so. it did 2day and that might be one of the reason i was stoning... i just cant stop thinking of it... the stress its giving me... im trying my best, yet i cannot meet up to standard... i sometimes feel that i am even worse than some people and i am not deserved to be called what i am called now... i feel depressed, i feel stunned, i feel screwed. maybe you can guide me through these tough times and help me cope through these stress. its keeps ringing, but sometimes i just wish that it was something else ringing, if you get it... lead me to the light, guide me away from the dark... give me strength to continue on... i dun want to spend every freaking day of my life, stressing over a impossible dream, yet i dun want to stop just there.i want to carry on... sry for letting you down 2day, i just cannot make it... i just cannot believe in myself... im sorry ._. i just cannot do it... im too afraid to make that step, im too scared to forward in life.. how? gg for jnco lor.. at least it will be together as a squad, but i will be the only one gg-ing... so, hoping in these few months you can help me overcome this fear within me and teach me how to just give up on impossible dreams and move forward... i srsly am lost, dunno wad to do, how to do it... help me, guide me through, thats what i need now... we cannot truly face life until we face the fact that it have been taken away from us.if i want to create something, i have to been something. life has no smooth roads, and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim, the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfilling itself. dun leave me... one person all by herself is nothing, but two people or a group of person who belong together makes the world go round...
-say to myself what i would be, then do what is needed to be done, with your accompany, i will try my best..
