are you even worth it ):

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

2010 2010...

ok hmmmm... didnt exactly had the mood to post yesterday here... so yup, it was a lonely night ._. so lonely that i fell asleep for 3 straight hours while playing pokemon -.-, so lonely D: 2night's the same i guess ._. so lonely D: im mr lonely D: i have nobody D: haiz... sad life lor... what to do -.- go gatecrash meh? siao siao siao go away man... im not that siao... interclass these few days were nice (: gratz to the guys for winning (: i didnt know soccer was so nice to watch until now... haha hope jovan's leg gets better >.< > then after that went home, then camped a while then went to angelina's house for dactyl planning (: a bit the epic fail and a bit the epic win! HAHA pikachu! :D running game, no sea game, no ROCK GAME (: whee~~ but sometimes in all the midst of this crap, i still have time for you i guess... missed one goal for that -.- win liao lor... but yup (: who cares! hahaha felt great to finally 'talk' to you... hehehe xD ok im going crazy ._. raawr, and my leg hurts for no reason now -.-

i realised that it is stupid to cry over someting that wont cry over you... so whats the point of wasting tears on that person? when that person is just going to break you heart again and let you cry more? totally worthless i tell you... I was hoping that time will make you forget about me, anyway no one cares... but nope it just makes me want to keep you to myself like more than before i guess... thinking about this... if i had never met you, what would my life be? i would never liked you... then i wouldn't miss you.. but if i did met you, which i did... i will miss you... caz my heart longs for you, my soul dies for you, my eyes would cry for you and my empty arms reach out for you... sometimes having dreams would be good caz sometimes it was about you... i smiled and recalled those happy moments and those memories we had... then i felt a tear falling from my eyes... you know why? caz in that dream you took my hand, let go of it and waved goodbye... i dont want that to happen D:

sometimes i just think that the squad, bonded or not, is caz of my fcuking attitude about this matter... caz sometimes i feel that im restricting myself from doing so much things, sometimes also like restricting me from talking to squadmates that i dont exactly find familar... the un-bonded people i guess... a wave was enough, i did that, but nothing else.... and im ashamed by this now... i could have talked, i could have bonded... but i was restricting myself... there was just this line drawn i guess, this invisible line in between group 1 and group 2... that i was forced to stay in group 1... and cannot talk to the people in group 2... although supposed to be as one, but separated... torn apart forcefully and can never be piece back together i guess... its just my fcuking bitchy attitude... its just me... i have to learnt to break this....

this is quite ironic like how i am always saying that everyone is not cooperating, not bonded, blahblahblah and i tot i could do something to help like plan outings, increase the mo qi... but i nvr went to tackle the root cause of all of this... which was me... im the stupid fcuked up person, causing all this pain in the squad.. the others tried, but what did i do? nothing... just saying all the stupid ideas, with less actions... i thought i tried, i thought i put in my best, but i was wrong... i was causing more trouble than before.... i was the fcked up person in the squad hindering everyone... and i have been thinking...

i dont deserve to be call a std 2, i dont deserve to be called a lcpl... i dont even deserve to wear the sj uniform, caz im so fcuked up that i should just be a nobody, change my name, move out of this country and just die, anw i bet no one will care if i really did.... 90% of singapore dont know i exist... maybe 5% of them would be happy about this... 4% would not give a damn about it... and the other 1% would try to pretend to care, but not sheding a single tear... great man, this is the life i have, this is the life i pursue..

and jnco is coming... course day soon too... might as well enjoy my life now, great now bye, i dnot want to talk to you...

//why does this keep coming back? dont you know i want my life back?

i still have a long way to go... if you leave now, how am i supposed to continue on D: not only my nights would be lonely, my heart would be empty, my life would be a shell with lots of air and my everything would just amount to nothing then... nothing in this world would matter anymore i guess... caz no one is supporting me now, caz no one cares about me now... i thought they did, but nope no one does... great man, my life roxs... ok srsly not much in a mood to blog... so yup 2moro... bye

//i thought you knew, i thought you cared... but i was wrong... love hurts

Why bother?

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Does my name matter anymore?
if you really want to know, Diane Lim
or indiane or sk2 or die-any
08 JAN 96
~~SACPS~~ DHS 2ECRU`10
3 EXPLOSIVE ELF
[D]HSJAB STANDARD THREES`11
[D]ACTYL
i just dont have the confidence to tell you i love you...
i want to say so much to you i guess, but nothing seems to be coming out...

Things i want to accomplish

2950 pumpings
do my best for jnco
try to be more confident...(whats the point?)
~~3.6 for eoys, at least triple science~~
~~dactyl chalet (screw or good)~~ well, i have my own viewpoints...
~~Accomplish my dreams~~ didnt happen, never would
Stop emoing and Enjoy life (:

wow, u actually bother to tag ._.

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leaving so soon? i know u hate me

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STD 2s 10
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If I die today, please remember me as yesterday…
I will jump off the cliff;
I will die;
I will be shattered into pieces...
But once I die, my memories will be resurrected;
They will merge to form the story of my life.

I never could`ve seen this far
I never could`ve seen this coming
It seems like my world`s falling apart, Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don`t think that I can deal with the things you said
It just won`t go away

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, Yeah
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can`t let go
I just can`t find my way, Yeah
Without you I just can`t find my way

I don`t know what I should do now
I don`t know where I should go
I`m still here waiting for you
I`m lost when you`re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can`t let you go
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