are you even worth it ):

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

2day was errr... lame -.- inline skating was fun and lame at the same time... then was comp trials, quite ok lor, apart from screwing up blahblahblah, and yes i screwed up... and sometimes they are srsly very gl.... self-explanatory i guess... i screwed and screwed until i could not screw anymore... i may be laughing on the outside, i may be joking around, but sometimes my heart was shattering, my brain died and srsly its not funny to gl about that anymore... you think you very funny go stand at the mirror and laugh at urself, stop making people's lifes miserable... and pls ._. dun liddat ok...i srsly dont want you to not go caz just of such a thing... he will xiao, hes not even pissed, pls dont make such a harsh decision now... you're breaking me heart....

"to gain fa knowledge" do you think this answer is fk-ing true -.- stereotypes, cliches... thats what they want to hear, but do they really care? pen down our thoughts truthfully... wad if i dont, wad if i couldnt? wad if something was just restraining me from writing it.. you cant force anything out of me and thats final... and lets just say the reasoning is stupid, caz i srsly wanted smth, but caz my reason was f-ked up and maybe my heart just liked that number, but cliche is cliche, i changed and wrote smth i didnt exactly liked, but i had a super cliche answer, and thats why the seniors want to see, so show you lor... you all happy can lerh, me? i dont seem to care anymore... so maybe i'll drop and someone else can come, i would be doing the squad a favour, caz anw i just sux... so what can i do? no matter how hard i try, i just cant... 2moro there is comp trials again...

dont think would have the mood to go, since i would be screwing up the maths trial station... but sometimes im someone else when im with you, more like myself, caz i have nothing to hide, but in daily life, i have to throw away all those pain and suffering, force out a smile, act calm and maybe laughing, which feels srsly not good, caz when i can stop acting, everything would just overwhelme, the sorrow would be accumulated over the days and finally breakdown one day... maybe thats why i enjoy being with you, but sometimes ok i admit, i do put up an act in front of you.... but thats another point that should not be elaborated here at least..... One day maybe you would feel the same way i feel for you. One day maybe you would think of the way i thought of you, but one day, when i want you, you wouldnt want be, caz you seen me fail too much times, you might think im a loser... i dont blame you, caz i am and i'll just live my life in darkness, never crawling out of that dingy hole, caz if i could do that for 14 years,,, i can sustain for maybe another 2 years.... maybe i would just smile, to let you think im happy. i'll laugh, to make you think im not sad... i'll do it... diane lim going back to 24/7 emo mode, jnco course day on saturday, tell me how to not emo... shall go rant about comp trials... bye

ometimes bonds are just like broken glass, sometimes it better to leave them broken than to try to hurt yourself to put it back together again... and it hurts to know that i would never remember the things that i nvr wanted to forget i guess...

screw this... im just not fit to be in so why waste time? to improve? to excel? i srsly dunno and dont give a damn anymore... as people might say laughter is the best medicine, but maybe it is actually the best disguise to use, to fake one out... but during the "mini" reflection shit thingy, it dawned onto me... no one can be trusted anymore, except you and i shouldnt have told you at all. im regretting and i dont think this can go on anymore caz you are just srsly damn irritating... you said you could keep it for me, you said you would not tell anymore, you said you can be trusted and i can rant to you anytime, but 2day you blew it, you announced to the whole world what i nvr told anyone. and you told everyone.. how am i supposed to trust you from now on..

i told you it was a dream, i told you not to tell anymore and to keep it a secret no matter what. i didnt want to tell you at first, caz i was scared smth like this would happen, but you said i could trust you and i placed my hopes onto that, but i was wrong, you didnt care at all, totally telling everyone... how am i supposed to face you now.. and this have srsly caused me to stop dreaming, or maybe just nvr tell you anything again caz i trusted you before, but you didnt take it seriousely... i wasnt joking when i said to keep it as a secret, so pls, get out of my life, go away, i dont want this in my life, caz my life is screwed up enough... stop screwing it more...

1st mistake was to allow you to leave and my 2nd one was giving myself the chance to realise that i could not live without you.... so why try to do so much'? no one can keep your secrets anymore caz they would just give everything away and no one in the world can be trusted anymore... cant you just let me cry and suffer in peace? can you stop irritating me?

//i thought i did not miss you, but now i realise i srsly do D:

Why bother?

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Does my name matter anymore?
if you really want to know, Diane Lim
or indiane or sk2 or die-any
08 JAN 96
~~SACPS~~ DHS 2ECRU`10
3 EXPLOSIVE ELF
[D]HSJAB STANDARD THREES`11
[D]ACTYL
i just dont have the confidence to tell you i love you...
i want to say so much to you i guess, but nothing seems to be coming out...

Things i want to accomplish

2950 pumpings
do my best for jnco
try to be more confident...(whats the point?)
~~3.6 for eoys, at least triple science~~
~~dactyl chalet (screw or good)~~ well, i have my own viewpoints...
~~Accomplish my dreams~~ didnt happen, never would
Stop emoing and Enjoy life (:

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If I die today, please remember me as yesterday…
I will jump off the cliff;
I will die;
I will be shattered into pieces...
But once I die, my memories will be resurrected;
They will merge to form the story of my life.

I never could`ve seen this far
I never could`ve seen this coming
It seems like my world`s falling apart, Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don`t think that I can deal with the things you said
It just won`t go away

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, Yeah
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can`t let go
I just can`t find my way, Yeah
Without you I just can`t find my way

I don`t know what I should do now
I don`t know where I should go
I`m still here waiting for you
I`m lost when you`re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can`t let you go
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