ok so i merged emo blog plus normal blog lerh, so this shall be my emo blog, pls dun comment on wad i say and stfu about it, thks... yesterday's post for emo blog transferred here:
i am srsly a f-ed up person... i always make you pissed, i always cause this, i sux man srsly, im screwing up own life and yet i have to pull you down, im srsly sorry... i just have to accept the fact how f-ed up i am and live with it i guess, i srsly dont want our relationship to go down like this... sometimes when people talk about us, like srsly, who gives a damn about that..
you dont control my screwed up life ok, im controlling it... so get the hell out of my life... srsly, this is a f-ed up world and yet i have to live in it...
im sorry if i did anything to hurt you, piss you off, cry, sad, angry, yeah, i know, i cause u a lot of pain and suffering and from wad i did that i should not have done, cached it... i saw it, and i know you hate me, so actually i should not disturb you at all, as much as i dislike that feeling, i just have the urge, that stupid feeling like when you are srsly infactuated with someone and then want to talk to her, if not you will die? yeah, got that feeling, so sry if i hurt you, i know i did several times, you just dont tell me, i know you always want to slap me, i noe im just a irritating dust in ur life, with no meaning, no use at all, but im trying my best, can you at least accept me for who i am and try to work things out? i srsly dont want to lose you, i dont think i can carry on in life. do you know i was up until 2am last night it happened, i was actually quite happy, caz at least someone bothers to care for me i guess, caz there is never anyone in my life who ever bothers to notice me.... but you didnt, you were the 1st one and i think i blew it, im a f-king loser who broke everything... now u are daoing my msgs and you dont want to care anything... im bleeding on the inside, and i dont want this to go on, but then again im such a f-king failure in this....
Next year would be different, i dont want to screw up, i want to make it the best you ever experienced, im going to try to let you enjoy your last and pass out maybe crying, but not tears of sadness or anger, but tears of joy and no regrets that you can finally rest.... i also hope i can achieve my dreams just for you... after one hour of emoing, and yes i've been writing this since 3... i realised that the goals of both of my dreams would be to make you proud, to make you finally think that im not that useless piece of shit. goes the same for dactyl chalet, although failing is part of life, but at least i put in my best and tried, isnt that enough? no, you people always ask for more, expect more, what can i do....
but after what happened, its best i leave, its best i dun give a damn about anything and just leave silently... you would never care anyway, caz sometimes i just feel that although i tried my best, you never gave your concerns, you never cared about what i did, most only wad time i sleep and my studies and sj i guess.. that comforting that you care for smth, but for the others, you dun give a damn i guess... i srsly dont want to cause you so much suffering and pain anymore, i srsly should just leave your life, leaving no memories, leaving no trace behind, caz if i do, remembering it would just make me cry and explode, but exploding for you is worth it, i can do that... i dont mind... after eoys, i will hardcore mug fa day and night and prove to you i can do it, theres no backing out now, there no way out of this mess.. i created it, i have to fix it...
sry if you think im a f-ked up person, sry if i created problems in your life, sry if i caused you any pain of suffering, this is diane lim, i cannot help being f-ed up... i dunno how to change it, but no one in the real world cares about me now, i shall just rot to death, leave without a trace and everyone's life would be 100% better...
Whats the use of a heart when it gets broken?
Whats the use of breath if it makes you breathless?
Whats the use of a soul if it will get stolen?
Whats the use of speech when you dont talk to me?
Whats the point of feelings when you dislike me for them?
Whats the point of you and me if you know it will never work out
But i thought it would, so i laid on the floor crying
"I love you and i still do, you go and forget my feelings for you"
// life is worthless and meaningless without you, pls come back, i keep telling myself i dont love you, but i dont believe...
