Friday, October 22, 2010
SPERM AT T1!! omg cool rite (: haha
there are 2 ways to spread light, to be the candle shining the light, or the mirror reflecting off the light... but what if you are neither, feeling screwed up and f-ed up in life... i know what everyone says results isnt everything... results are just numbers... then why does these small ink blobs decide on your subject combi? and perhaps your future? thats srsly does not make any sense... i know this is stupid, but yeah, who gives a damn right now... srsly feeling damn stressed now, caz everything is clashing against each other... supposedly there is comp trials on 8 and 9 nov =.= WTF, win liao lor... what else to do... so gonna pon class chalet on 1-4 nov for this -.-1 and 2 got comp trials, 4 got total defense course... srsly win liao lor -.- the best man, sj taking over my life lerh.... dunno wad to do, cant say much here... want to rant out so much, but go away, then maybe i can....
screwed up la paper 2day like crap... failed essay, failed compre, failed summary... great man -.- srsly screwed... maths and science was quite happy, so yup, thats why not much emoing, but life quite screwed up caz of gpa now... like no more triple science lor... can continue to year 3 i srsly laugh lerh.... sian man -.- i srsly dont think i can take this much stress anymore... is like now is smp totally not touched, comp trials, dactyl chalet planning still not stable... how... go die lor -.- im srsly damn scared i cannot get triple science D: then i gg lerh D: like srsly gg D: haiz... mugging last minutes only worked for science and i studied bio for 3hrs, chem for 15mins and physics for 7 mins... and i think my highest was the physics part -.- this goes to show, not studying can get better grades... great, anw im sick of trying, tired of crying... i cried twice, paper 1 once, paper 2 once -.- great man, wtf, my life is now screwed to the max sia -.- and i cant talk about it here i guess, caz that would be dumb -.- like srsly the stupidiest thing to do, so yup...
everything is screwed and dont exactly you think you care anyway... didnt dare to talk to you these few days caz i didnt know what you were feeling, was it good, was it bad? i dunno, so i rather not interfere at all... maybe i am also not caring ._. maybe you are just not in the mood... sry for these days >.<>i srsly dunno wad to do, caz i was depressed and i needed someone to errr... yup.. sry... anw, dun think you care anymore, so why should i do such a thing... people say when you come to the end of a rope, just tie and knot and hang on.. i hope you were that rope, where i could just hang on to you forever and not burning out... caz you are so strong, while im that speck of dust trying to cling on for life... most importantly on you... but a lol is srsly heart-breaking, when you just need that hug from that person, he just says lol and not care... my heart will break... its fragile... pls dont hurt it like this D: i dunno lar... feel like the world is going to end soon... feel like intra-comp is coming, feeling sj is coming to a stop right before jnco comes... and sometimes even this bond is coming to an end... i thought you cared, i thought you knew me the best, but i was wrong. im always wrong... it was only an act you had to put up as your role... you only pretended all this... you never cared, and now when you realised all this, the act is moving down... its moving on... great man... srsly, stop this shit... caz sometimes you do care, so why try to do such a thing? move on in life and continue.... but yup life is always unfair, i cant always get what i want... and even if i have to wait for an eternity, i'll wait... i'll keep on waiting..
don't write your name on sand, waves will wash it away... don't write your name in the sky, caz wind might blow it away, just write your name in my heart, the only place it would stay....
i realised that you were right... its unfair... this is freaking unfair, first caz of h1n1, we dont have std 1 comp, which is no choice, then they start to compare us with them, when we missed out so much more, then they guailan now, small ac and nc, ok win liao lor, they win liao lor.... they go be std 2s then we become std 1s lor... go lor, like i care anymore.. they can just surpass us in everything, they can just be better than us in everything... the only thing missing is the uniform... ok lor, win lor.. go lor, i would not attempt to care anymore... they just dont realise the problem of having small ac and nc... like i give a damn... just damn unfair lor, give lor... treat our squad like this... somemore do in front of us, ok lor, win liao lor... this is unfair... im not caring, caz if this is how they want it, i will just react the same way... try me, maybe you nvr see me pissed before, but i can.... so give lor, giving them everything, i dont care...
a journey of a thousand miles always starts with a footstep... and there is no telling how many miles i have to run to reach my dreams... so can you just let us do this on ourselves? still go write emo letter lor, win liao, just making me more depressed... a person can only grow as much as his horizon goes... and maybe we were just not meant to be this way... maybe we just cannot pass those restrictions... we are always being compared with them... its srsly not nice... so stop it and just maybe think that we tried our best? isnt that enough? we tried really hard, it just that we sux wad... what to do... So many people walk around with a meaningless life, i dont want to be one of them. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy, doing things that they think is important. they are chasing the wrong dreams. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, to your community and devote it to creating something, that gives you purpose and meaning... and not just pursue an empty shell... mistakes are painful when they happen, but after a year of collection of mistakes, it would turn t experience and finallly win...
i srsly just want to say this... im starting to stop feeling that warm feeling i had when i went for comp trains, i stop having the feeling that we are bonded like how i had it when i was emoing.. but yeah, now everything is just fcuking screwed and nothing can unscrew it... maybe we just have to think through again and just live authentically, savour every part of this journey because when a destination has been reached, a new journey begins... and theres no turning back now... full-force forward and see how we crumble.. great man..
when you have high expectations of us, we would just disappoint you even more and they would just know the outcome, so why train so hard? its just a waste of time... just another fcuked-up thing i guess...
// maybe you cared, but i dont feel it... but i want it... >.<>
//life is unfair, but i will keep on waiting for you, even until i die....
SPERM AT T1!! omg cool rite (: haha 
