Saturday, October 9, 2010
theres no point in life anymore, nothing is piecing myself back but yesterday was srsly a kick in my ass and everything came back i guess, what i used to enjoy, what i wish to have and everything i guess. letting go doesnt mean giving up but accepting that there are things not meant to be the way you want it to be and face reality as the way it is, forcing a smile everyday, blinking away the tears, i should just try to stay strong and have no more fears standing in way, no way the new me is not going to cry over everything and anything, its the new me (: trying to stay strong, although its hard not to cry, although im breaking down, and sometimes i feel like im giving us too easily, just this is all part of life. my strength is drained and no more is left to fight back my fears. no emotions now, totally empty, which is the worst feeling someone will ever want, looking down on the floor, never realising how blue to sky is. barely breathing through all this stress and finding my air to survive. you might not see me cry, you might not see me fall or break down, but everything i want to accomplish is because of you. tell me, how can i stop this pain? how do i accept the fact that i live in this crude world? tears will never be able to measure my pain, faking smiles will never work in the long run. but yeah, thats life, accept it, enjoy it...
yesterday was just freakin guilty... im sorry if i broke ur heart, im sorry if you hate me more now... im sorry i nvr knew you felt that way about me, i feel so happy around you, but yet i nvr thought how you felt... sometimes when no one cared, when no one is online, you're always there to comfort me, always there to give me advice, and to care for me i guess. some people just dont, some people will never. im sorry if that thing i did yesterday made you super pissed, im sorry i saw it, guilt ate me up all the way and theres no more diane lim typing here, caz she got eaten up by guilt... im guessing i shouldnt have told you, but im just not good at stopping myself from saying it, not saying it and keeping everything to my heart is srsly very painful... sometimes i just wish i was _____, i srsly dont want to care about the cadet life anymore or relationships btw things, but i just dunno if..... if it is, then why still do this to yrself and keep hurting yrself? im sorry if it is and i will try my best not to, although my heart wants to, but i have been causing you so much pain, yet you dont voice out. since i know the truth, im sorry, ill try to leave without a sound, and maybe everyone's life would be better then, when a diane lim never existed in their lifes, everyone didnt have to fake smiles in front of me, everyone could be happier and at least everyone dun have to put up an act in front of you, caz i wun exist.... sorry for causing you this pain and suffering, ily.........
but yeah, shall try to stay more positive now, coming up with list of things to do soon, im restricting myself from so much more, im can achieve so much more, yet im doing this to myself. starting from zero 2day, be more happy, stop emoing and enjoy my life, or maybe the emoing confined to my blog, so sometimes if i emo here, can u pls stfu about it? its my only place to rant... the new me is stepping into life, its finally getting the true meaning of happiness....
- sorry, i nvr knew how you felt, trying not to talk to you... and maybe this is a bye for good... but no matter what i will keep my promise to let you have the best one ever when u pass out...
