Saturday, November 13, 2010
lol... 2day course day 2... not much to say i guess.. err fun? lame? we all went through high jump course practically -.- haha... camp day 1 is gonna be scary ad epic, and after that guailan scolding, me, dj and marcus shuo hao le we volunteer flag party on camp day 1... haha i guess im the only one with the motive i guess... but i damn scared i hook the flag the wrong side D: i taking brigade flag somemore D: die man... try my best, hope dont semula ._. wish for the best >.<> sian-ness... but somehow people found out my motive quite fast o.o, so yup just its obvious ._. same as my other dreams i guess... to make you proud and not think im a piece of shit, but if i gg in front of corp, then okay im a useless piece of shit... but yeah D: intra-comp number 1 D: i want ._. haiz... fcuk man...
sometimes... its just hard to forget someone you thought you would be spending your whole life with i guess... and maybe thats how im feeling... but its not how i feel about you... but more of how i dont feel about anyone else, except you, the feeling i get, the comfort, the late night calls, the confidence you give me i guess, its very important to me i guess... and if i knew the last time i hugged you, and it would be the last one, i would never had let go... i guess im just not fitted as a jnco trainee, i guess im just not fitted to be in your heart... its a hard job, saikang... i srsly dunno how to do it this way... i want command D:, intra-comp number 1 is my goal now! but yup, hope you would find my quotes, understand my words, the other side of me and yup, maybe know the dark side of me... caz everyone has a dark side, wanting their perfect images, scared of how people judge or view them... i srsly dont want any of that to happen i guess D: no i dont D:
what about trust? its sometimes that takes years to form, but maybe in seconds to break... i guess i cannot trust you anymore.. i just dont feel like i can trust you anymore... you neglected this trust for too many times and taking it for granted, because everytime i was pissed with you, it always seems to xiao very quickly...but then again, i guess i forgave this person too many times that she doesnt seem to know when she threw this all away... i guess she just doesnt know about this... i dont plan to tell her... just face it, diane... this is reality, this is the fcuked up world you are living in... take scoldings as high jump courses, take life as risks... take everything as a challenge i guess... omg for once im bored of emoing D:... feeling damn cold now...and damn tired D: and damn hungry D: screw my life man... i dunno lar...
i guess after course day... i guess i learnt a lot about people... maybe learnt about flag drill, quite cool man, i want do, yet im scared of guailan-ness... esp semula -.- but yeah... i guess on earth, in this fcuked- up world we are living in... theres never anyone you could trust fully... not one single one i guess... thats why im regretting my actions now.. guess i shouldnt have done such a quick decision.... love is blind i guess... >< >no one... im sure theres not a single one that can be trusted... no one.... no one to lean on now, no one to put ur full support on... i guess, lonliness in this world, being the only one and always one left out of activities... is common in my life that im taking it as a basic necessities of my life... i dunno... i guess no one understands me... i guess no one notices me.. i guess no one cares of my existence... so just die, and maybe everyone would feel happier.. bye... siap tuan...
ok fcuk my life... i srsly dunno lar, is it all about scolding? or is it all about learning? now they are giving us the image and mindset that we are not treated as people.... ok lor... if it is all about this, i srsly find no point in going on... some people, say its the turning point of your sj life... what turning point? july 2012 pls come D: i srsly dunno lar... but now is the damn sad thing.. caz i srsly dunno what to do.... its damn irritating when you dunno what to do with your life i guess and maybe that what im feeling now fcuked up, i feel like there is an empty hole in my life that needs to be patched up with smth more engaging and maybe i would enjoy more i guess.. caz now im forcing myself to go and act enthu so that at least since im forced to do smth,i try my best to do it to the best of my abilities... but srsly... people got instinct one right... we all make mistakes... so srsly wtf.. so cant you admit that we are not perfect? you think we what scold here scold there, think very funny ok, then very funny lor...
but yeah, i guess, i was just not that person you were looking for, i guess i was just not that person you were expecting to be.. i just cant be that perfect girl u are finding for i guess... but i guess my life is kind of imcomplete without you... but what can i do? i just cant seem to meet the expectations of the people im trying to impress... i just cant seem to do what i can do now... and now you decided to leave me hurt? dangling at the corner... i srsly dunno if it is intentional or not lar.. but yeah... i guess, i just have to face life like this... pain, suffered, and no one to support... but yup, i been through loneliness for 14 years, i guess i would be able to cope now... not much difference from the rest...
yup... comp team trials...if you ask me...i want intra-comp number 1 D: i want that more badly than i want comp team, i want that more than anything in the world i guess and i have nvr been determined to have it more i guess... but yup actually i think the only thing obstructing me and my goal is actually you... caz yup i wanted comp team to make you proud... i wanted to excel in sj to make you proud i guess... but then i wanted to join intra-comp... so i could spend more time with you, to be able to get drilled by you, at least by noticed by you and yup be like totally focused on... thats something i nvr felt before and i srsly want to try D: i want lerh ._. no not the fcuking comp team... but the number 1 for intra-comp team... i srsly dunno if my choice made now is correct or wrong D: AHHHH SCREW D: psst, SIAP TUAN
i srsly dunno lar... cct was a great experience i guess, but nothing beats to me next to you all the time, reporting to you and everything, so i hope i can take ur place ._. but yeah... maybe i have this fcuked up perspective again... that you and dactyl is totally disconnected? yup, dactyl is not bonded and will never be bonded... what else can we do?im going to do dactyl movie part 3 2moro and yup see how it goess.. but yeah, she got care meh, no one did... like lor, comment lor.. i dont seem to care anymore...
//i want to quit, but izzit too late to do so?
// i just dunno how to respond... im speechless, come back would you?
lol... 2day course day 2... not much to say i guess.. err fun? lame? we all went through high jump course practically -.- haha... camp day 1 is gonna be scary ad epic, and after that guailan scolding, me, dj and marcus shuo hao le we volunteer flag party on camp day 1... haha i guess im the only one with the motive i guess... but i damn scared i hook the flag the wrong side D: i taking brigade flag somemore D: die man... try my best, hope dont semula ._. wish for the best >.<> sian-ness... but somehow people found out my motive quite fast o.o, so yup just its obvious ._. same as my other dreams i guess... to make you proud and not think im a piece of shit, but if i gg in front of corp, then okay im a useless piece of shit... but yeah D: intra-comp number 1 D: i want ._. haiz... fcuk man...
